official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
