I want to make a zoo with you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
