I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
