It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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