woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
