hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
