I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
