Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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