break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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