I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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