3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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