in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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