My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
