Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
