And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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