The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You took a bar mat shot.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
