Me too!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
