DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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