My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
