"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
