I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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