it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
