What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
