just come out here and I will go home with you...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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