You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
