don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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