never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
