im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
