Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
