She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
