he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
honey bunches of taint.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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