Ambien. No doubt about it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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