I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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