To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
