great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
