could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
