Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
