I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have fence marks all over my body
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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