someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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