he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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