just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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