I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
