i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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