We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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