You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
