i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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