btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
