So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
