i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's blow job season.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
