I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
