i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your cock deserves a montage
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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