its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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