thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
