i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
