Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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